Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
