I want to have your abortion
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
