3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize