hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
