I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i already hear my dad disowning me
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dignity is for republicans.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
