i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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