..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
