i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Randomize
