saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
