it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
