We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
