I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
