i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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