I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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