I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
