They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
