I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
