Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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