What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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