ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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