Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
