Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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