I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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