I wish i was in the wii world.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
