we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Floor bacon is actually really good
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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