i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize