New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Randomize
