I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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