for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize