I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
