it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize