I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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