The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
