ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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