you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
