New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
