Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
