listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
