we're blogging at a bar
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i already hear my dad disowning me
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
