Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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