Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
