In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Enjoy the penises
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
