just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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