Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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