Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
