they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
