note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
