tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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