1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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