The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
