Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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