Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
