I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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