oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize