the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
