y did u give ur computer a hand job?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
