I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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