My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize