Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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