I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
