Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
