I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
