I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Randomize
