Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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