I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
