Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize