yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
