What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
