dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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