guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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