hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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