Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
