The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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