i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
