I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
No subtext here. People are naked.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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