I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
