Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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