Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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