I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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