I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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