I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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