Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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